I believe that you, as a man, are enough.

I believe that men are trustable.

I believe that men are lovable, compassionate creatures, capable of powerful purpose and transformation.

I believe that no matter what we inherited in our DNA or experienced as children, no man is broken, or beyond healing.

I also believe that men have been fed piles of shit instead of wisdom. That we have been taught to value the wrong things, act in stupid, selfish ways, and that success requires disconnection from our hearts, other humans, and our living connection to the land.

I believe that casting blame for these things is a waste of time, and that our energy is better spent slowing down, paying attention to the data and messages our bodies and relationships are telling us, and together, leaning into the difficult and unattractive work of choosing to acknowledge the shadow material embedded in how we live our lives, as well as how it impacts us and others.

I also believe that the spontaneous movement of any man connected to his heart is toward love.

Translation: when you get out of your own way and clear your life and psyche of bullshit, you’ll see clearly what’s most important in your life.

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On this page I’m going to make the case that your troubles are caused primarily by disconnection—to yourself, to others, and to whatever you want to call that which is greater than all of us.

I’ll also make the case that the solution to your issue—awareness and connection—will not feel like a tangible, measurable result that will arrive in a specified amount of time.

Rather, it will be most evident in your daily lived experience: your relationships will begin to thrive because you are more yourself more often.

You’ll breathe slower and deeper, which reduces heart rate, anxiety, and fear. You’ll feel lighter in your body because you won’t have to carry all of your pain alone. You’ll be more trustable to women, other men, and yourself. You’ll also feel more autonomous and free—not a victim, nor a savior.

These results are possible, and will be driven by your devotion to practicing awareness and connection in different ways, every day.

You’ve done exactly what you were told to do in order to be a man: you’ve carried around a lifetime of pain, anger, resentment, fear, and shame—all by yourself.

You learned how to do relationship from people who perhaps loved each other but weren’t kind to one another.

You were raised in a context where survival was priority, and in a culture where men competed to win, rather than to build each other up.

So you built a brick wall around you in order to protect yourself.

And it feels like you need a catapult just to add a door.

In our culture, deep connection with other men is fraught with judgment, distrust, suspicion. This is no accident. We live in a capitalist system that was designed to separate us so that it could grow.

Many of us were taught:

• To value a particular brand of political freedom that arrives from without, rather than within

• That thinking was superior to feeling

• That money was superior to—and mutually exclusive of—community

• That distraction would make the pain go away

None of this is our fault, specifically. We were born into a world and we’ve adapted the best we can.

But the result is that as men, many of us are adrift—unable or unwilling to commit to a path, a relationship, to life itself.

We’re easily distracted by porn, social media, false masculine leadership and addiction because we lack connection to meaningful, purposeful action.

In some moments, we’re aware enough to know that much of what we were taught is bullshit, but we either lack the internal resources to do anything differently, or, worse, get bombarded with social media content that promises to enlighten us if we just think our way to healing, or buy another course.

Maybe you’ve gone to therapy, AA, men’s groups, even plant medicine ceremonies. Maybe you’ve kicked an addiction, had some insights, made some changes in your life, only to fall back into familiar patterns. Maybe the men’s group didn’t go as deep as you wanted, or was trying to lead you somewhere specific.

You’re looking for something real, raw, authentic. Tangible.

You don’t need someone to fix you—you’re not broken.

But carrying pain around like this is corrosive. And you lack what feels like truth and depth in many of your relationships. And maybe this small, secret part of you that wants to be cultivated into something sacred, vital, and real is the thing that’s calling you forth.

You’re already living the consequences of what you’re doing or not doing, and have some idea of what might happen if you continue along this path.

Maybe she leaves you. Maybe your connection with your kids continues to drift. Maybe you continue to find ways to deflect feedback that points at the thing you don’t want to look at.

Maybe you succeed in your career and maintain surface-level relationships, but feel mostly alone. Maybe that secret part of you that knows there’s something deeper and more meaningful to life gets smaller, and quieter.

Consider your male elders: What did they value at your stage of life? What did they prioritize? What do they regret?

If you don’t know, ask them.

If or when you choose to listen to that secret part of you, and face your inner terrain, just the right catapult for you will appear.

I don’t know why it works that way, but for many of the men I’ve worked with, and for myself, that’s how it tends to go.

Whether you work with me or someone else, the bricks with which you built the walls around you may begin to fall.

It’ll be hard at first—like anything that’s worthwhile. But this time, you won’t be alone. In fact, you’ll feel more known than ever, more aware than in the past, more connected than you can remember. More able to face the difficult moments with grace, and be present for all of the moments in ways that will, among other things, make her swoon.

Your marriage begins to flourish because you’re occupying your body and your life in a way that you’ve admired in other men—and that she craves.

You and your kids have stellar relationships. You’re able to give to them what you weren’t offered, but not because you lacked it, but because you have more space for them.

Eventually, whether you feel enough or worthy, purposeful or trustable won’t even be a question in your mind—or in others’. You’ll know that the once-secret part of you was You all along, and that voice is yours now.

And you’ll continue to experience difficult moments—like all humans—and you’ll also be able to be here, without numbing out, running away, or trying to control.

You get to choose.

And there’s no wrong choice. Truly.

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Whether or not we work together, here’s what you need to have in place to get the results you want:

• DESIRE + WILLINGNESS

• STABILITY + CAPACITY

• TIME + OPENNESS

Desire + Willingness

If you’re still reading, you might not have to worry about this one. But essentially, you have to want massive change to happen, and be willing to do the work it takes to create it. Most of the people I work with are nudged toward this work by their partner, therapist, or men’s group. The stakes are often high, driven by potential loss of relationship, abrupt career shift, or encounter with death.

Whatever your motivation, it must be matched by your willingness to get uncomfortable. To look at parts of yourself that you may not want to look at. To feel things you may have pushed away long ago.

Also vital is your willingness to actually do things differently—to slow down, commit to yourself, envision what you want, and work hard to get it—without attachment to the outcome.

That last one is the most important piece. You might want to read it again.

Stability + Capacity

Your life—your relationships, health, mental health, work, housing, finance—must be stable enough for you to experience some psycho-spiritual wobble without undue risk.

Inherent to this work is the invitation to sit quietly with questions like, who am I—without all of the story, identity, protection, conditioning, and bullshit? And to not rush toward answers. This kind of awareness practice alone can lead to big shifts in relationship and career, so it’s important to have the support of your closest loved ones, friends, or therapist as you engage in this work.

Capacity is another aspect that, if you’ve read this far, you probably have already. Nevertheless, it’s advisable that as you become more aware, cultivate deeper connections, have more expansive experiences, and seek to integrate these things into your life, that you’re actually able to do these things, feel whatever nourishment comes from them, and to sustain them, at least for a time, in your life.

Time

Massive change takes time. Short-term massive change is often catastrophic, and ironically leads right back to where you started.

So it’s a good idea to get real about any attachment you have to getting what you want in a specific time horizon, and consider letting it go. What I can say is that I’ve seen the most profound shifts I’ve seen have been in the men who were willing to slow down, get clear about what they wanted, and devote themselves to something bigger, whether that was recovering their marriage, healing relationships with their kids, or getting a business off the ground.

Once again, this work is about cultivating connection—to yourself, others, the present moment, the land, the work before you. It’s a lifelong practice, and you get to do it however you want.

What I wish for you is sufficient awareness and consideration to make the choices you need to make in this life from a calm place of autonomy, courage, clarity, compassion, curiosity, and creativity.

What I can guarantee you is that the results you experience will be directly proportional to your practice.

If you’d like to chat, book a call with me here.

No pressure to buy anything. Just an opportunity to connect.

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